Saturday, November 29, 2008
{ 4:29 AM }
i found this:
She found him drowning. He was just floating at the top, until she came along.
She took his hand, and assured him that things would be fine. Just so long as he fought for it, and didn’t drown again.
She told him, that all he needed was hope. Hope and a friend. Luckily for you, she laughed. My name is Hope. And I’ll be your friend.
She found him drowning. He was just floating at the top, until she came along.
current mood: disappointed and sad
Friday, November 28, 2008
{ 5:09 AM }
just returned from ogl camp. for the first time of my life i only slept for an hour. but everything was worthwhile. although i didnt do much, i still manage to help out. i'm going to redo my ora proposal. i'm going to make it something successful, not as screwed up as it was during the camp. i will, i must. tired, but i have learnt somethings. actually we humans are so tiny as compared to the universe. suddenly i feel so tiny. yet, we are trying to prove that we have power over something that is bigger. why are we always trying so hard?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
{ 4:59 AM }
i miss your smile=/
Saturday, November 22, 2008
{ 9:01 PM }
TIRED and EMPTY.
that's me now.
it's a bit too long dont you feel?
Friday, November 21, 2008
{ 4:24 AM }
why this weird feeling.
I got tired of waitingWondering if you were ever coming aroundMy faith in you was fadingWhen i met you on the outskirts of town, and I saidRomeo save me i’ve been feeling so aloneI keep waiting for you but you never comeIs this in my head, i don’t know what to thinkit's so stupid to dwell on it. when it's over, stop mulling over it and move your ass theodora.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
{ 5:29 AM }
today marks the end of our three day two night camp. although at first i dread going for this camp, i've grown to love it. our camp started on sunday. in the beginning, everyone was so new to each other that nobody started talking first. even though we probe them, they still like shy shy. after brainstorming for a group name, we decided on calling our group TEH. hahaas! cute name right? our group was the only group with no female participants at all. so yinmei and me were the only two girls in the group-.-" so cool! we dont need to really go take care of anybody. the shyness slowly disappeared through the activities we did like playing floorball, rock climbing and of course lots of group games(:(: our day ended with the night walk, which was not at all scary. our night walk is like solving a mystery about a murder case. we have to go from station to station to like solve puzzles in order to get clues on who is the real murder. although our group didnt manage to finish all the stations, we at least managed to guess guess who the murder is. kudos to the smart TEH people. hahaas! after this was supper cum debrief session for the campers then followed by debrief for facilitators. yinmei and my santury duty is the first slot, so we did it first before going to bath. ended up sleeping at around 2 plus. the next day we woke up late and had to do a forfeit-.-" the second day of the camp was more of a campfire preparation day. we spent a lot of time planning our skit which had a theme- teamwork. besides this there is still the first aid courses and the organising a cip course. we had to like think of a cip to do. but everyone in our group like sian sian like that so we just anyhow did it. actually it's like more of yinmei and hadi doing it only la. after this course was handball game. we learnt how to play handball which is really really fun!!! i think handball is the best game out of all(: at night we had our campfire. the mood for it was generally high except for when we screwed up our skit, our group the morale like became low. thank god even with a screwed up script, we still got a third. this kind of cheered us up. soon was supper cum debrief and of course we had a debrief for facilitators. last night our santury duty was the last shift, so yinmei and i woke up at about 4 to bath. today was also quite a slack day. we had telematch which we didnt win and was quite disappointed. so we somehow depended on the dragon boat race. because we came in first for dragon boat race, we became the overall champion(:(:(:(: everyone really put in a lot of effort. i love TEH!
i'm so happy you are unique in this world.
Friday, November 14, 2008
{ 2:35 AM }
i'm so sick. yesterday was a long day, mentally and physically challenging. reached home at about 12 without dinner. whole body ached so horribly i thought it might just fall apart. yesterday was my stupidest (if there's such a word) day. first thing, i injured my leg because i was too anxious to tell everyone something-.-" i walked right into a chair. second thing, i was too eager to get hot water for ama that i forgot that the bottle i was using is made of plastic. and what did i do? i poured hot water into it straight away. the bottle shrunk immediately. the water overflowed and poured onto my hand. suddenly i felt so stupid. but the product was amazing. the bottle was so cute! but it was later thrown away though:( oh wells. good things always come to an end anyways. this morning had to wake up early for lit lecture. at first i didnt want to come to school. but i thought we need to buy the book, so i came in the end. i guess this is why people thought i'm fine. i wasnt. in actual fact, i was feeling dizzy. thank god thendral was with me(:
maybe it's my fault. i shouldnt have showed this indifferent attitude towards you people. but i really couldnt help it. i felt that since i'm so tiny and dont have a say in anything, i might as well shut up and leave. i know i'm running away. i'm always trying to hide when there's a problem. but this time, it took me so much courage to just open my mouth and say that i needed to say something. it didnt work for me because i didnt have a chance to speak my mind. maybe i should have pestered you all. i'm so sorry my character is giving you all problem. but i really did want to help out. i really did. yesterday no matter how bad i felt, i still put in my 101%. i tried to help out in areas that is in need of people. today, i swear i really am sick. i swear. if i'm not sick today, i'll grow to become even more stupid than what i am now. or..i'll get strucked by lighting and get knocked down by the car. thinking again, there is a really big problem. i know i'm speculating and that this may not be true, but it felt so right. my gut feeling is telling me this may be the case.
i've learnt an important lesson: I'M NOT GOING TO BE AN OSTRICH ANYMORE.
if you think you can take over me, so be it. but i believe i'm unique and you are too. you can never take over me, who i am in life, my friends and family, my roles and responsibilities..this time you have won. you managed to replace me. this is the last time things like this is going to happen. i'm not going to let anyone replace me anymore. especially you.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
{ 7:33 PM }
yesterday was a horrible day. so horrible i wanted so much just to disappear. for the whole day, i wasted my precious little time sitting there and doing nothing. what for? just so that maybe, just maybe i can help up too. and what do i get whenever i tried to do something? you people just packed me into a corner. i felt so hurt yesterday. so hurt that my heart and mind ached. have you ever tried to put in effort for something and in the end people just ignored whatever you did? maybe you havent had such a situation before, but i have. you all just deleted whatever part i edited for the proposal and changed it into something else you all liked. you all havent even discussed with me beforehand that you all wanted to change everything. you all treat me like fool dont you all? but thank you to those who tried to make it better for me. "overcoming is the best revenge." i'll remember(: i'll never give up, not today, not tomorrow.
